The Power of No

My superpower? I’m glad you asked. My superpower is being a total human doormat. Apparently I’m incapable of saying “NO” and meaning it. I might say no, but I rarely have the ability to follow through with it.


Person: I need you to do (insert imposition here) for me.

Me: I can’t right now.

Person: Come on, just this once (this is actually the 30th or 40th time I’ve done this for this person)?

Me: Ok…I guess if I rearrange my (insert life, finances, time, procedures) I could.

That’s my curse, I’m competent and reliable…and a pushover. Family, friends, and coworkers all know they can abuse my good nature and I’m not going to say a thing.

Standing up for myself has never been an easy thing for me to do. At 44 years old I’m realizing that I need to be more willing to say no and actually stick to it. It’s really true that nice guys finish last…because we’re always doing our work and everyone else’s too.

From now on, NO isn’t a word that means maybe in my vocabulary. It means that after careful consideration, I feel that the cost/benefit ratio of the proposal is too far in the cost column on my ledger and I will require a more balanced proposal before I agree.



Going Through Hell

Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”. What if that place is worse?

Every time I think the worst is behind me, another larger obstacle seems to crop up and impede my path. I constantly feel like a man stuck in the desert chasing mirages.

Good Night Sweet Princess

Let me start by saying that I love strong female heroes. Laura Croft, Jean Gray, Rogue, Storm, Wonder Woman, Supergirl, Batwoman, Doctor Aki Ross (Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within), the 2016 Ghostbusters. These are just a few of the strong female characters I’ve grown up with and love, but the hero that started it all for me was Princess Leia played by the indomitable Carrie Fisher.

Princess Leia was the first strong female hero I saw on the big screen. She was no nonsense, take charge, funny, smart, tough as nails, and drop dead beautiful. She taught me that princesses weren’t helpless twits who needed some big strong knight to save their honor or their life. Princess Leia was a bad ass.

Carrie Fisher wasn’t just an actress to so many of us who grew up watching her and dreaming about adventures in a galaxy far, far away…she was our Princess.

Though Carrie had some tough times throughout her life, and struggled with addiction and mental health issues, she loved her fans and we loved her.

“Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who
transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not.
Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed that is. ” -Yoda
RIP Carrie. Your light has not been diminished by your passing, it lives on in all the people who loved you. May the Force be with you.

Republican Plans to Repeal Marriage Equality

Republicans Could Repeal Marriage Equality in 3 Easy Steps. Here’s How: WATCH

Via-Towleroad News by Andy Towle

Please watch: Matt Baume lays out the Republican plan for repealing marriage equality. Texas looks to be ready to completely ignore marriage equality. This is one of the main reasons that my husband and I are leaving TX and moving to a blue state. Hopefully we can ride out the Trump regime and stay married.

Moving on…

So it’s been a couple days that I haven’t posted anything. My husband and I have been busy with buying a house in OR so we can get the hell out of TX. As of Sunday afternoon we’ve got a verbal acceptance of our offer for what we hope will be our new home in OR. It’s scary picking up and moving 1700 miles, but also very exciting.

We’re heading to Portland for the Christmas break and I may not get many opportunities to post so check my twitter feed for the next week or so!

Happy Holidays to you all!


Today has been an extremely stressful day for me. I had an interview yesterday that I think went well, but I’m not sure. Yesterday I also, found out that the owner of the house that we put an offer in on has decided to delay their decision until Saturday now (they were supposed to decide tomorrow…and we are the only offer at this point).

All this anxiety hit me hard today and I’m had a couple really nasty panic attacks. 

I could sure use some good news right about now. 

Being an Exception or Being Accepted

Since the election, I’ve thought a lot about why people who I had considered friends would so glibly vote against my interests for someone who has demonstrably proven he will not be an ally to the LGBTQ people.

I couldn’t see why they would vote for someone who hated me and my kind and turn around and tell me “it’s nothing personal against you”. The hell it’s not personal!

This is something that’s really bothered me. Reflecting on this a couple nights ago I came to the realization that it’s a difference between being accepted and being an exception.

True friends accept you, they see no color, gender, sexual orientation, religion…they just accept you as a friend. True friends accept you for who you are and care about you.

Then there are people who tell you they are your friend, yet really you are an exception to their normal feelings about race, gender, sexual orientation or religion.

In my case, both my husband Randy and I have hobbies and interests that align more with a typical heterosexual identity. We’re exceptions to the rule, the gay couple that aren’t too gay, or in your face. We’re the gay guys that don’t threaten your “hetero normative” notions, so it’s ok to befriend us.

I don’t want you dear reader to misunderstand me, we don’t go out of our way to seem hetero normative…it’s just the way we are. We’re not ashamed of being gay, we’re proud of who we are, but being gay is only a part of us not the entire package. But because we fit in so well with a wide variety of personalities, we tend to make friends to whom we are an exception to their normal thought processes.

It’s been heartbreaking and illuminating to see which people truly accept us and those to whom we are but an exception.



Day 16071

Yep another year on this rock for yours truly, and what a craptastic year it’s been. Here’s a recap:

  • So many of my favorite celebs passed this year that to name them all would take a herculean effort that I’m not in the mood for.
  • Having to put my dog Gracie down.
  • Donald Fucking Trump being elected.
  • Working in a section of the company that is almost entirely comprised of Trump supporters and having to listen to them blather on about their Great Orange Messiah.
  • Having my Jeep broken into and losing all my stuff.
  • Stress eating because of all the previous things and gaining almost 20lbs.

All that aside, I have an amazing husband, an awesome little pug, a couple good friends (you know who you are), and I’m still employed.

So..Happy Birthday to me.