Relationships and Anxiety

Relationships are hard, even under the best of circumstances…throw anxiety on top of that and it’s enough to make you want to curl up in a ball and cry sometimes. This all gets even more tricky when you throw in a polyamorous relationship.

Yes, my husband and I have a poly relationship with another man. No, I won’t get into the details of the relationship, our partner isn’t out and it’s not anyone else’s business.

One thing I will say about our partner is that he has similar issues with anxiety that I do. This has made the relationship more challenging, but it has also given me a unique perspective on my own anxiety and what it does to both of my partners.

I’m learning really quickly how big a jerk I can be when I let my anxiety take over. How my insecurity causes issues in the relationship. I’m learning that I am a lot more jealous a person than I thought I was. That I can be petty and manipulative without even thinking about it at the time.

I need to be better so that I don’t ruin my relationships. My guys mean everything to me and I don’t want to be the reason things fall apart.

Finally have a doctor…

Well the long, exhaustive search is over! I’ve finally found a doctor (not the one I want, and it’s unknown if he’s LGBT friendly, but beggars can’t be choosers). So that’s the good news.

Bad news is that the earliest I can see my new doc is June 12th. This has, as it’s probably no surprise caused me some bit of anxiety. I have over a month of waiting and hoping that my new doc is going to be able to help me, and also hoping that he’s LGBT friendly and won’t be all “EWWW….A GAY! Get it away!”.

Why the heck is it so difficult in this day and age to find a good doctor? Why should LGBT people have to worry that their new doctor might be a bigot who doesn’t want to see them much less treat them? It makes no sense! It’s 2018 for crying out loud.



Republican Plans to Repeal Marriage Equality

Republicans Could Repeal Marriage Equality in 3 Easy Steps. Here’s How: WATCH

Via-Towleroad News by Andy Towle

Please watch: Matt Baume lays out the Republican plan for repealing marriage equality. Texas looks to be ready to completely ignore marriage equality. This is one of the main reasons that my husband and I are leaving TX and moving to a blue state. Hopefully we can ride out the Trump regime and stay married.

Being an Exception or Being Accepted

Since the election, I’ve thought a lot about why people who I had considered friends would so glibly vote against my interests for someone who has demonstrably proven he will not be an ally to the LGBTQ people.

I couldn’t see why they would vote for someone who hated me and my kind and turn around and tell me “it’s nothing personal against you”. The hell it’s not personal!

This is something that’s really bothered me. Reflecting on this a couple nights ago I came to the realization that it’s a difference between being accepted and being an exception.

True friends accept you, they see no color, gender, sexual orientation, religion…they just accept you as a friend. True friends accept you for who you are and care about you.

Then there are people who tell you they are your friend, yet really you are an exception to their normal feelings about race, gender, sexual orientation or religion.

In my case, both my husband Randy and I have hobbies and interests that align more with a typical heterosexual identity. We’re exceptions to the rule, the gay couple that aren’t too gay, or in your face. We’re the gay guys that don’t threaten your “hetero normative” notions, so it’s ok to befriend us.

I don’t want you dear reader to misunderstand me, we don’t go out of our way to seem hetero normative…it’s just the way we are. We’re not ashamed of being gay, we’re proud of who we are, but being gay is only a part of us not the entire package. But because we fit in so well with a wide variety of personalities, we tend to make friends to whom we are an exception to their normal thought processes.

It’s been heartbreaking and illuminating to see which people truly accept us and those to whom we are but an exception.