Being an Exception or Being Accepted

Since the election, I’ve thought a lot about why people who I had considered friends would so glibly vote against my interests for someone who has demonstrably proven he will not be an ally to the LGBTQ people.

I couldn’t see why they would vote for someone who hated me and my kind and turn around and tell me “it’s nothing personal against you”. The hell it’s not personal!

This is something that’s really bothered me. Reflecting on this a couple nights ago I came to the realization that it’s a difference between being accepted and being an exception.

True friends accept you, they see no color, gender, sexual orientation, religion…they just accept you as a friend. True friends accept you for who you are and care about you.

Then there are people who tell you they are your friend, yet really you are an exception to their normal feelings about race, gender, sexual orientation or religion.

In my case, both my husband Randy and I have hobbies and interests that align more with a typical heterosexual identity. We’re exceptions to the rule, the gay couple that aren’t too gay, or in your face. We’re the gay guys that don’t threaten your “hetero normative” notions, so it’s ok to befriend us.

I don’t want you dear reader to misunderstand me, we don’t go out of our way to seem hetero normative…it’s just the way we are. We’re not ashamed of being gay, we’re proud of who we are, but being gay is only a part of us not the entire package. But because we fit in so well with a wide variety of personalities, we tend to make friends to whom we are an exception to their normal thought processes.

It’s been heartbreaking and illuminating to see which people truly accept us and those to whom we are but an exception.